I don’t know really, i feel like if i talk about being hopeful one more time i might lose it.
…but except, i woke up feeling hopeful today. Yes, the pain is still there, but i do feel as though i have control over it. Have you ever felt pain for so long that your body and mind adapts to it? Not in a miserable way, but you actually start to feel like you have control over it? You’ve studied your pain so well you know what triggers it and how to turn it off? I feel as though i am at that stage in my life, not just because i’ve battled an extremely deadly virus firsthand, but because i’ve also learnt to study other matter that fears me in life.
Idk, today was just weird; I did one thing that has scared me for the past 6 month’s and i still got zero outcome from it. I’m not gonna lie, it kinda sat me back a little. I finally got to experience a day were I didn’t feel like i was literally on my death bed, and yet, part of it still sucked.
I wonder if a week from now even a month from now i’ll look back and smile at something I’ve accomplished. I mean, winning over death is definitely the biggest flex of my life right now, i just kind of imagined it would open new doors so I wouldn’t just fall back into my old ordinary life.
*Based on a true story through first hand experience, no false claims were made in the process of this writing*
